In this article, Nicole Bailer addresses an extremely important topic that often sabotages us from actually following through with our plans:

You know the following situation: you have firmly resolved to go jogging today. The weather is great, you're full of enthusiasm, you're just putting on your running shoes and heading out the door. But the phone rings. It's your sister calling and asking you to give her a quick lift to the doctor because her car won't start. Great...... "Sure, I can't leave her in the lurch," you think and drive off.

The other time, you're looking forward to a free afternoon where you can get on with writing your book and make yourself comfortable. Then your husband sends you a text message asking you to do a few things for him because he's coming home late from the office today. So you put down your pen, because you can't concentrate now anyway, and off you go to the slopes.

But this doesn't just happen to us once a month - then it wouldn't be so dramatic. No, it happens to us often - too often. Why?

Because we can't separate ourselves.

But it is very important to set boundaries. This has nothing to do with selfishness or blind determination according to the motto: "regardless of losses." No, certainly not. But if we want to stick with something, if we want to achieve something, then we have to draw boundaries from time to time.

I can draw boundaries when

• I consider myself and my cause important enough
• I can stand up for myself.

I would like to give you a personal example of this:
When I started blogging and worked on various seminar topics, I did this - logically, from home. My family knew that Nicole was at home every day - sitting at her PC and on the phone, doing whatever she wanted - she waswithin reach!

So every day, things would "get in the way" as soon as I sat at my desk. Either grandma wanted a lift to the shops, my uncle needed help changing a tire or my sister took me for coffee far too often (only briefly!)

I was there everywhere, did everything and helped wherever I could. Great, I can be satisfied, can't I? A good deed every day! That may be true, but my piece of paper was still white and my homepage was still not set up. Well, nothing will come up tomorrow.

By now I was totally tense and was constantly waiting for the phone to ring.

This went on for many weeks. I became increasingly angry with myself and frustrated. It couldn't go on like this. It was either the others or me - that was my position at some point. Neither seemed to work. So, after taking my daughter to nursery, I pitched my tents in various cafés. Wonderful! But this attempt to escape didn't last long either, because I couldn't really concentrate in the midst of schoolchildren and business people excitedly swapping stories. Not to mention the fact that breakfast, which I treated myself to of course, is quite expensive 5 days a week ;-)

So I had no choice but to deal with this issue properly.

I then went into meditation a lot and searched in silence for Looking for answers. (If meditation isn't "your thing", you can also go for a walk or just find a quiet place and calm down.)

The answers came back to me quite clearly and I was able to tackle the following issues:

• "If I want those around me to take me and my work seriously, then I should do it myself first." Until then, I hadn't talked much about what I was actually doing on the PC all the time and what I was up to. So those around me had no way of knowing that I wasn't surfing the net or playing games to pass the time. I first made it clear to myself internally: THIS is not a hobby - THIS is YOUR life, YOUR vocation and everyone CAN know that! So I was actually able to transport it from the inside to the outside by....
• ..... standing by it. Yes, because those around me would rather see me in the office or in a law firm or similar. In a "normal" job, doing something secure and meaningful - not "something like this". But: your plan is not my plan. My life is about accompanying other people on their way to leading a self-determined life. Of course, there are sometimes moments when I also start to waver and think: wouldn't it be more sensible to get back on the hamster wheel? But luckily I'm so happy in what I do and so inspired that I don't want to go back to the "old system".

So now back to our boundaries. If we want to be taken seriously and stick with something, then we have to learn to say "NO".

That's why we find it so difficult to say "no"

There are all kinds of reasons why we find it difficult to do so: We don't want to appear selfish; are afraid of rejection or are afraid of missing out on something. After all, those around us are not used to hearing "NO" from us and so they will make us feel guilty, pity us or put us under pressure in other ways.

But if we bear in mind the "price" we pay for constantly giving in and allowing ourselves to be distracted - this can be a great motivation to persevere. After all, our price is damn high: we come under pressure because we have to spend a lot of energy on things that don't actually get us anywhere; we may feel exploited or simply stressed because we take on additional things and put ourselves at the back of the queue.

You can say to yourself and others: my time is valuable too. I am important and my strength is not endless - I also have to look after myself.

You are not a bad person if you don't always say "YES". No one can always do everything for everyone. This is about you! You have a responsibility for yourself and your life and only if you have enough energy yourself can you pass it on.

The most important thing when saying "NO" is not to be brutal but to be clear. By this I mean that YOU don't just shout NO in the other person's face, but explain to them why you are not available at the moment. You shouldn't justify yourself, but give the person the opportunity to understand your decision. Whether he or she ultimately makes use of it is not in our hands, but a justification has always been better than a "THIS IS NOW HALT SO" ;-)

When we start to say NO, we often have to expect a headwind. After all, our environment is not used to us asserting ourselves and using these four letters. But stick with it and you'll see how it becomes routine after a while and those around you will even see it as a great achievement on your part because you were and are consistent. You are showing yourself and everyone else: What I'm doing/planning to do here is important to me and I want to and will STICK TO IT!

I wish you all the best that you manage to say no when you need to and that you have the strength and confidence in yourself and your goals. Take yourself seriously and others will automatically do the same - that's the law of attraction!

Enjoy your life,

your Nicole

Now I'd love to hear from you! Did you like the article? Do you have a question for Nicole about saying no? Have you developed your own strategy to avoid being distracted by others? Then write a comment!

About Nicole Bailer:

Nicole is a trained legal specialist. For many years, she focused her life on other people until she realized that this was a mistake! Today, she helps people like you to develop their personalities. She does this through seminars, talks, her blog and individual coaching sessions. Her further training as a health consultant rounds it all off, as topics such as stress, exercise and nutrition play a central role when it comes to leading a happy and healthy life.

She can personally tell you how wonderful it is to LIVE the LIFE you DESIRE!